The ‘life hacks’ include:

• feigning illness;
• breaking an arm by jumping off a tank while drunk;
• self-inflicting a wound during march.

The recent SSU interceptions indicate that the occupiers are demoralized and consider the war in Ukraine a real hell. Some of them are thinking only of ways how to get back home, and they openly discuss this with their relatives.

For example, this mother shares with her son their grandfather’s Afghan recipe for simulating a mental disorder: ‘Go to medics and say ‘I have a severe headache, there’s pressure in my ears, it seems someone is talking to me, I wake up at night’ and ...pull the helmet over your eyes, understand?... ‘Give me some pill, I’m sick, I have a bad headache.’ In short, pretend you’re crazy.’

A friend of another ‘hero’ offers the soldier to break his arm painlessly: ‘Get drunk and f**king ‘fall’ off the tank. The main thing – don’t break your neck. Hands straight forward... Jump like a pike into the water. But don’t f**king break both...’

However, the most ‘inventive’ turned out to be the contractors of the elite red banner 39th separate motorized rifle brigade. They simply shot each other’s buttocks during march so that there would be no severe health implications.

By the way, that did not help them to return home. They received treatment and were sent back to the unit. While their commander had to explain such ‘valiant’ and high-precision injuries of his subordinates to his superiors.

We support any reduction of the numbers of the occupying army. And yet, the SSU reminds of a non-traumatic way to flee from the war: call the hotline 2402 to surrender, save your life and, ultimately, come back home.